If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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