if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
