Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My legs feel like baby dolphins
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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