i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
