i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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