Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
