Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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