Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
