just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
