I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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