She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
