i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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