I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
