Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize