Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWWâ€
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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