I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
