Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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