He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bring me that man meat
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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