Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
