Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
