I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
