I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
