i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
