nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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