i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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