before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
