I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
