"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
