he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
