How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A bitchslap is in order.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
