One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
