i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
