Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
