I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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