I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
