dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if only i could text you this smell
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
