dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
