No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize