i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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