Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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