It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
