I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
