An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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