I'm jealous of your bromance
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
