Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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