Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
