I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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