so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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