You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
