I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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