I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm having to shit out rocks
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