just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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