So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
