While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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