I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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