Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
