Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
