She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
