She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
