i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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