I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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