I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
